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THE LETTERS OF MOTHER THERESA
Now, we are brought another great gift by this woman whose life was a testimony to her spiritual stature. It is the gift of knowing that it is possible to maintain great faith in the presence of great suffering, and that the faith that is maintained does not necessarily reside in a state of the heart that experiences love or joy, or even in a place that is free of doubt. Rather, this faith can exist at a level that is deeper than both love, joy, and even doubt.
The recent publication of a book containing the letters of Mother Theresa to her spiritual advisors over a period of almost fifty years shows another side of her than what the world knew or could have suspected. This interior side was repeatedly portrayed by her as one of darkness, dryness, lack of feeling, and a sense of abandonment by God and by her beloved Jesus. This dark time, which began with her mission to the poor and lasted for the rest of her life, took place even while, externally, she brought millions of people love and hope, and became an icon and symbol to the world of what the ideal of selfless love could look like.
The timing of the announcement of these letters, which had been known to but a few and are now known to an entire world, is not without import. For the need to combine within our awareness the honoring of one who had been called a 'modern Saint' and who, indeed, has already been beatified by the Church, with the knowledge of the great contradiction and contrast that is represented by her interior state – this duality must now be brought forward in our understanding of Mother Theresa, and also, therefore, in our understanding of ourselves.
The Mother Theresa of Calcutta is still real because she resides in the good that she did both on the physical level, and most especially within the hearts of many, worldwide. Her work of devotion brought others to experience their own devotion and awakened the heart within that yearned for a way of life that emphasized love and service. Such was Mother Theresa's influence, that many gave up lucrative lives to follow her and to serve the poor, and those who did not, admired her from a distance. Her gift was to represent the love of God and Jesus to a world in need of witnessing its expression, and of understanding how such love could operate in a joyful and truly selfless way.
Now, we are brought another great gift by this woman whose life was a testimony to her spiritual stature. It is the gift of knowing that it is possible to maintain great faith in the presence of great suffering, and that the faith that is maintained does not necessarily reside in a state of the heart that experiences love or joy, or even in a place that is free of doubt. Rather, this faith can exist at a level that is deeper than both love, joy, and even doubt.
In the presence of great suffering and feelings of abandonment, faith can reside. It can live on within a layer of being that is beyond emotion – a layer that allows us to know that no matter what is felt with our feelings, that., nevertheless, God, love, and for Mother Theresa, Jesus, are still real and are still held to with all that one is, even with a heart that feels empty. This is the reason that despite her own concerns about this, Mother Theresa can never really be called a 'hypocrite'. For while on the level of feeling she was divided - displaying joy on the outside and experiencing pain and emptiness on the inside - this joy that was not accessible to her, nevertheless came from a reliable source - the source of her deeper being that could radiate joy to others, yet remain separate from it herself.
Let us understand the nature of this sacrifice, for it occurs within others as well. It is possible for reasons that have to do with one's inner work, to be able to communicate feelings to others that one does not experience directly oneself. Thus, a sense of peace and trust can be conveyed, while one does not feel trusting. A sense of love can be conveyed, while one does not feel loved. And a sense of joy can be conveyed, because the self that conveys this to others is in touch with the true reality from which joy springs, while the self that abides alone within, is not.
This is a separation that can take place around the emotional state or state of the heart, and it does so for a variety of reasons having to do with the inner work of a soul. In the case of Mother Theresa, we can also know that such great love that flowed to others from her, and from them to still others, could not have occurred from a foundation that was not real.
Within the life of Mother Theresa, the capacity to bring great good out of great pain and suffering, to give to others even while little is being given to the inner self, to persevere and to endure in generating love, even while feeling unloved by the One who matters most – this is a testimony to the greatness of spirit of one who must now come to represent not only selfless love, but love that continues to give all, even when the giving is not replenished, and even when it appears (contrary to what every spiritual tenet and principle would hold), that one has been left on one's own.
We do not ordinarily think of suffering as a gift, nor find ourselves attracted to the capacity to suffer as an expression in life. Understandably, we would rather not be in pain. Yet when suffering becomes necessary, as it did in the case of Mother Theresa for reasons that she could not decipher nor do anything about – not for much of her lifetime – what became important (and becomes important for each of us), was what she made of that suffering, how she held it, and what operated from beneath it that gave her the ability to go on and to continue to give to the world out of a boundless love that she was not feeling herself.
This poignant spiritual event that reveals the inner aspects of a very public life, though personal and autobiographical, is also a sign for our times and for the times ahead. It has opened a path on the level of collective consciousness that can now know that in at least one instance of great importance to the world as a whole, out of great suffering, great good was able to come. The principle that made this possible was a faith and trust that existed below the level of feeling, below the level of pain, that was built not on satisfaction, nor on fulfillment, nor on inner peace and contentment, but rather on the very fiber of inner being itself.
In the times ahead, this personal memoir needs to be remembered, for there is much difficulty that lies ahead along with the opening up of joyful new possibilities for the earth and for all of its inhabitants. May all who have loved Mother Theresa in the past, love her even more in the present, having discovered this additional gift of love that she has given to the world. Birthed in the many years of her own suffering, she has given us an image of the victory of hope and of goodness over all forces that would defeat it.
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